They say you should write what you know. Well, way back when I started this blog, all I knew was that I had 3 kids, I loved them ever so much, and that writing about them made me insanely happy and proud. Slowly though, over time, this blog shifted from funny stories about my kids, to reflections on my life. It changed gears and became a place for me to work through things. Things to do with being a mom, a woman and a human in this insanely crazy and sometimes scary world. Some would say that perhaps journalling might have been a better idea, considering this is a public space. I disagree though, and for many reasons. When you’re at home, by yourself or with little kids all of the time, you need an outlet. A place to express yourself and have your expressions validated by others. This was my place. I wrote what I knew and how I felt, and always with the most sincere honesty. This was a space where I could be myself, and for the most part, didn’t live in fear that too many people would judge me on it. (No one reads these posts anyway right?) Eventually, I stopped posting, and would only write occasional updates, and/or posts trying to summarize all of the things we’ve been up to. My posts were flat and boring. Ho-hum at best. Not because I’m without skill for writing or storytelling, but because I’ve come to realize that I don’t really want to write about being a mom anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I love my gig. My kids are my world. They mean everything to me. But they don’t complete me. I thought they did, or would. That if I focused enough, I would feel 100% fulfilled by their needing me. That if I was a really great mom, they would be enough. But it didn’t happen for me, and it won’t ever. Being their mom is my number one job. It always will be. Nothing will ever be more important than the work I’ve done and continue to do in raising them. I know that in my heart. But what I also know is that I want something for myself too. I have teeter tottered back and forth on what I’m doing with my life for awhile now. Making excuses for why I couldn’t start my own thing AND raise a family. Who will clean the house? Who will shop? Who will take care of them when they are sick? Who will do all the work that goes unnoticed by everyone in this family? But now I’m done making excuses, because those excuses are holding me back and I’m all done with that.
I will forever cherish this blog for being the space I needed to change and grow into the person I am now. I needed this space, and it served its purpose perfectly. But now it is time to move on. Time to save these posts and file them for safe keeping. Time to start a new chapter (or blog even).
Watching my husband build a very successful business has been inspiring in ways even I couldn’t have imagined. For years I’ve been his biggest supporter. I’ve encouraged him and cheered him on. I’ve stood by him as he took risk after risk, trusting in him completely. I’ve also played the role of scapegoat while he made decisions that weren’t popular, and I’d do it all over again. I have zero regrets. I’m so very proud of my husband for all that he has accomplished and all that he has done to give our family the fantastic life we have. Having him as a partner and best friend is a blessing, and one I don’t take for granted.
But for now, I’m going to give the old cheerleader pom poms a rest, and get off the bench. Time to see if I have what it takes to play quarterback too.
Hope you’ll all read about us soon…. Maybe in my next blog: Building Drive Shed Brewing Company.