Millie the Menace Strikes Again!


I like to embarrass my kids when I can. I will sing, dance and do stupid things in stores and while out in public, just to see how they react. Sometimes they join in. Sometimes they shy away and pretend they don’t know me. Sometimes they get revenge.

Today, I dropped the two big kids off at the bus stop and then took the two little girls to Walmart for some shopping. Millie was in one of her moods. Not a bad mood, like she is prone to when she’s being forced to go shopping, but a silly mood. As we were at the register, paying for our groceries, she started humming really loudly. She was doing it to annoy me, I know this. I was trying to get out of there before she really got into her groove. Millie is our “loose cannon.” She does and says what she wants. I knew that if I didn’t move fast, she was going to really bring her game. She was on it. She wasn’t going to let anyone down.

She started dancing around and making a scene. I knew I was in trouble. ┬áPeople were laughing at her. She was playing her crowd. How cute, right? The cashier said, “Little girl, what are you humming? Sesame Street?” To which, my sweet little 3-year-old belted out, “ROXXXXXANNE…YOU DON’T HAVE TO PUT ON THE RED LIGHT!”

How does one explain that situation? My kid isn’t singing Sesame Street. Oh no… She’s singing a song about a prostitute. Great, just GREAT! I turned red, and we left while Millie continued singing that same verse over and over as loud as she could. Well played Millie. Well played.

She was singing this song because it was stuck in her head. We were in the car as a family last week, on a trip and Roxanne by the Police was on the radio twice on our journey. The older kids liked it. They thought it was catchy. I made it worse by singing it loudly, accentuating the ROXXXXANNE part. We were all howling with laughter. Then Nick mentioned that it was their Grandma’s middle name. I blame that piece of info on why from that moment on, they because obsessed with the song. In the days that followed it was all they did. Screamed ROXXXANNE! repeatedly. I’d come downstairs in the morning to find four little kids lined up on their stools, eating breakfast and singing in unison… “ROXXXXANNE, You don’t have to wear that dress tonight. ROXXXANNE!” Over and over and over. I thought it had passed. I thought they forgot all about it. Maybe they did. Except for Millie. She held it in until she was given the perfect opportunity to belt it out for an audience.

I think I’ll dig out some of those old kiddie music CDs now. The ones with age appropriate songs on it… Just a thought…

Today I’m ever so thankful that I get to hang out with these little humans… They make me laugh when I want to cry… They annoy me and entertain me at the same time… and sometimes… they embarrass the hell out of me.